Do you have tweens begging to get on the internet?  Most likely they are clamoring to be able to instant message friends, visit chat rooms, talk on message boards, and follow all their classmates who fall in the "but her mom lets her do it!" category.  However, the horror stories that surface from MySpace, Facebook, and other major online social networks are enough to make many parents say, "No way!"  There are ways to give in to your tween without worrying if her online friend is a 45-year-old man in a dingy T-shirt and boxers with a beer in his hand.

Many services are now available that let you set up your own private message boards and chat rooms.  Depending on your level of expertise, these sites range from ones in which you just answer a few simple questions and they design it all for you to freeware that you can load on your hosting server.  The advantages of these services are that you have complete control over who gets in and who can post to the site while letting your older child or younger teen interact on the internet and begin learning the necessary skills.  Even with the inherent dangers of the online environment, more and more schools from elementary to college now assume that your child knows how to perform basic functions using the web including researching a topic, sending e-mails, accessing sites, and even uploading files and photos.  Message boards and chat rooms help them learn all those things, as well as the obvious typing skills and social benefits.

FREE SERVICES: Many free message and bulletin board services exist with which you can set up and control your own online social site.  iPBFree, Form for Free, Hyperboards, and Chatzy are just a few of the free services available.  These sites make it simple to set up your board and do not require you to know any sort of coding or scripting.  Many of them offer extras such as private messaging, arcade games, shoutboxes (similar to chatting) and calendars for posting events.  The advantages to using these free bulletin board services are obvious: ease of use, quick to set up, and no design knowledge necessary. 

Things to watch out for: When using a free service, be sure to carefully read the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy documents.  Many, though not all, of these sites will display various revenue-producing advertisements on the message boards.  These ads may or not be family-friendly.  Make sure you have complete control over the privacy of the site.  You should be able to set the board permissions so that only people who receive an invitation, or are approved by the moderator (you) can access the site.  Otherwise, anyone online will be able to view and possibly post to the bulletin board or chat room.  You may also want to find out if the service offers a profanity filter.  Even if you make sure only your child's friends are on the site, a profanity filter will prevent them from being able to post offensive language. 

 HOST YOUR OWN WITH OPEN SOURCE SOFTWARE: Your parental peace of mind may be better served by getting your own hosting account and installing the board yourself.  Though you do not need a degree in computers to do this, you should have a least a passing acquaintance with terms such as domain registration, server, FTP, html/xhtml, php, css, and core extensions/modifications.  If you have visited the Christian Advice Site's Advice Forum, then you have seen one of these services in action.  For a small monthly fee (this site is hosted on Freespiritwebsites.com, deluxe Linux hosting), you register your own domain name and upload the site yourself.  While the main website for CAS is powered by Joomla!, the Advice Forum is powered by Simple Machines Forum (SMF).  The SMF core package is free and so are many of the extra modules that can be installed.  I actually have two SMF forums loaded on my hosting account, but the other one is a restricted invitation-only site with chat room for a group of online friends.  The advantages are obvious: I have complete control over the security, function, look and access of the site.  Other free open source bulletin board and chat room software providers include Vanilla Forum, phpBB, Web Wiz Forums, and Yet Another Bulletin Board (yaBB). 

Things to watch out for: Shop around for the best hosting package for your money.  While my package is only $8.95 a month, the bandwidth and extras are way more than is needed for a simple message board for your tweens and their friends.  You may be able to find a simpler, cheaper host that will serve your needs.  Also ensure that the databases, etc. used by the host provider are compatible with the open source product you want to use.  When purchasing your domain, pay the extra cash upfront for private registration.  Otherwise, your name, address and telephone number will show up on WHOIS if anyone decided to search for who owns the site.  Also, keep in mind that if something does not work right or goes wrong with the board, you will be the one to fix it or pay a programmer to fix it for you.  Most providers like SMF have excellent community support where experienced users are more than willing to help out the "noobs."  Still, if you lack the basic knowledge to understand their instructions, they can't be much help.  So far I have experienced no problems I couldn't fix myself with the help of a support forum, but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted to kick the computer a couple of times in the process!

With any service you decide to investigate, it will be beneficial to either set up a test site or use one provided by that service.  You will be able to tell pretty quickly how easy it will be to use, and how easy it will be for your tweens and friends to use.  The extra work in the beginning is small price to pay for making sure your children can enjoy socializing online in a safe environment which you control.  Now you can be the "cool" parent, too!

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